Are You My Home?

You know that feeling when you wake up and for the first few seconds, you are in a slight state of confusion about where you are and what you are doing? Well this morning, when I woke up, I thought I was in Minnesota. I had a bit of a moment of disappointment when I finally realized that I was not, in fact, in Minnesota and actually still five thousand miles away.

That moment of disappointment turned into sadness when I face-timed my sisters and mom. They talked about what has been going on at home and the things that are doing, and I really started to get homesick. Except, I do not think that homesick is the correct word to use because that connotates that there is one place when it is many places and people that I am missing. I have been in Rome for a month already which is absolutely astonishing to think about. It seems like just yesterday that I was stepping off the plane, full of hope and wonder. Now, Rome is starting to feel more like home, and I am finding myself finding familiar things. Do not get me wrong, the unfamiliarity feeling is still numerous and heavily outweighs the familiar things but still I enjoy that I have found a piece of home here.

I can feel this tension of wanting to define what ‘home’ is. I have heard it described in many dimensions- as a place, as a person, as an abstract idea that will never have a definition. I think that the idea of home has become so personal to everyone that it really takes reflection to understand what it means to me. Throughout all the amazing experiences that I have been having here in Rome, there has always been a moment of questioning where my home is and how I define the word itself. Throughout my life even, I have tried to put a placement on where my home is from a person to a building to a town to a county to a country. None of these things ever seemed to cause rest in my heart and I continually seemed to struggle with what to name it as.

I think I found the answer is that I may have a solid definition of home, but it will never be just one, solid place. Home is where I can be truly myself- where I feel loved, comforted, and supported. I can find myself in many different aspects which makes it such a hard concept to accept and be comfortable with. I have found my home to be in Lancaster, Minnesota where I grew up. In Northwest Minnesota where my immediate family lives and where many of the people that I love are at. At the University of St. Thomas, where I have created deep friendships and mentorships. In Croatia where I made friends with the locals and was set solid in my love for art history and archaeology. And now in Rome where I have lived now for a month and have made what I do not doubt to be lifelong friends.

Notice a pattern?

All of these places that I call home are connected to the people I love. These are the people who have helped me become the woman that I am today. I am so thankful to have so many that I know deeply care about me and know that I care about them too. My network now reaches across many states, countries, and continents and for that I am grateful. I know that the lurking feeling of being homesick is not easily forgotten but it eases when I know when I do get back to the states, I will have many waiting for me with open arms. If you are one of these people, know that I love you and that I cannot wait to be home… Okay, that is a bit of a lie because I really am enjoying my time here, but you get the point haha.

“You will never be completely at home again because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place” -Miriam Adeney